the time to wait

"What if what you're scared of
is just out-of-practice excitement?" he asks.
And for a whole hour, I lay there, still,
letting my heart thaw out its sad volcano,
as he grazes and kisses me
like he has the time to wait.

matter

will you fuck me like i matter? 

i actually asked someone this one time

after he said to me, 

tell me you want me

i said, is that what you need to hear?

and he said, yes

and i said, okay, 

i want you so fucking bad

put you cock in me right now

and he entered me

and the hard of me softened 

into a volcano of sadness

and i asked it

i asked,

can i ask you something vulnerable?

with his hard dick tucked inside me

yeah... he said softly, earnestly

and i looked him square in his circular eyes

will you fuck me like i matter?

and he said, oh my god, you think you don't matter?

rachael! rachael! 

you think you don't matter?

and i said, yeah, soft as a mouse

and so he tried

and so did i

to let him love me

even though he didn't know me

could barely see me

definitely didn't feel me

and i didn't feel the relief 

i was hoping for

but i did know 

there was more

and maybe one day,
i would let that in