Friday, August 15, 2014

227/65 : i don't understand the rules

wrong wrong wrong
i meant for you to sing your hellos and
dance your maybes and
lick your goodbyes like a dog
that someone fed beer
stumbling with fearless foolishness
slimy slimy love

i wear my truth like dishonest cleavage
you will not get access in
except isn't that the point of cleavage?
to show you what you cannot have?
to lie about what's likely?

i'm typing with my left hand
trying to say something more honest
or at least more unsaid

like i wish i could play with magic
without all these headaches
like i wish playing felt more
quiet and restful

now i just want to go back home
to the right hand
to the left mind
to the dad who tells me
to do it his way
because my way
is too complex

now i just want someone to write my paper for me
turn my life in to god
wait for the grade

no no
that's not really the way it is
but this
this is so much harder than i was expecting

the right challenge, though
are any challenges right?

back to this side
my mind feels like jello here
hello dear
hello dear
fear wears a rabbit hat and holds a tiny paw
fear tells us all there's no way you'll escape this knot
fear ties our blood til it clots
fear rots
rots rots

tell me where wrong went
after he stayed out past his bedtime
tell me what nightmares right had
tell me who was more sad
and who was more sorry

so many stories
so little flesh to hold them

maybe that's why we just instruct breathing
something thin
and hallow
but warm like fingertips
brushing lips
tender kiss
i miss i miss my mother

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