i take back the invitation for you to be close to me

"I take back the invitation
for you to come close to me," 

I declared to the wind four times, 

like the elders taught me. 

I am holding the line,
holding out,
holding space.

Soft strength.
Halos of boundaries.
Eyes on the prize before it arrives.

It's a sweaty faith.
The kind that'll save me
years of pretending
I'm okay with settling.
I'm okay with the illusion
of quick fix confusions.

Nah.
That ain't for me.
I don't want the love drugs.
The heated spike.
The cold come down.

I want the hugs that stay in the hard places.
The hand to the heart embracing the scars.
The love alchemy.
That's me.
That's my kinda we.

I take back the invitation
for you to come close to me.
Cuz baby, we do love differently.