175/365 : truthity truth

today i took four seventeen minute naps
in the gaps between eye gazing
and truth blazing
matchbook sessions

today i dreamt of my loves
one slumber at a time
felt the crevices of my mind
reshape into smiles

today i stretched into miles of meditation
in one quiet breath

today i managed to feel rested
even as i worked

today i feared that my sleepy fearlessness
made me careless
and not good enough
to impress the souls i spoke to

today i forgot in the darker corners of my dreams
that it doesn't matter all that much
who i impress
we're all
gonna be gone
in a poof
so soon

today johnny told me
that scientists say
the first human to live to 150
is probably already alive

the lifespan of humans has tripled
over the last 200 years
and there's no reason why
it won't triple again in the next

i wasn't scared when he told me
because his bright blue eyes
and healthy grin stretched wide
boiled a hope in my belly
i didn't know could grow there

but now, in my bedroom
well, now... i'm remembering
that hope i felt then
and i'm wondering
why moments ago
i felt so scared
to live past 87

so much of my fear comes down to matter

wrinkles
who will feed me?
who will need me when i'm old in america?
who will want me?
how will i possibly want myself?

i can't imagine not needing
the feelings i feel like i need now

but then again

last night, chris fixed my broken down car
and after, we sat inside it
and talked about the disappearance of ideas
the evaporation of romance
the glory depth of exactly what's between us
now

and now, it feels like us humans are gonna have to get better
at what comes after romance
at loving what's left in the room swept clean of delusion
(not that we can ever get it all)

but still
i've got all these relationships
swimming speckled in the light of truth
there are so many wrinkles
and even more stories
and every day we are feeling beneath them
for the chord of connection
and it's so fucking beautiful
so fucking beautiful
that even wrinkles
or not kissing
or nothing romantic developing
or breaking the rules about
what the world tells me is a suitable way to love
feel tiny
so fucking tiny
next to the infinite rhythm
of my strong beating heart