the love i want
is confrontational
like Everythingness
like chasing tides
like a dog
like vomiting salt water
like resting in a sweater, hood up
like wobbly yoga, stretching too far
like napping in the car
like remembering
like wishing i didn't have to remember
like learning to let go of my longing
like holding myself through the night
like not fighting where i am
like not trying to understand
like rattling out my fear
like hissing when nobody's near
like hurling
like eyelids shutting soft as horses
like hooves never actually hitting you in the face
as you clean the horse shoe of all that power
even though it's what you've feared the most--
being hit by something powerful
like being with fear
like laughing
like quiet tears
like that
like leaning into that
like rubbing up against that
like finger fucking that
like tongue sucking that
like earlobe grinding that
like asshole tickling that
like soft hair dangling against bare chesting that
like hands grab and squeezing that
like pulling that in
like holding it with all your strength
like hurting with desire for the Everythingness
like so much endless fear of nothing
like still needing the Something anyway
like fuck fuck fuck FUCK
i wish i didn't love you this much
like i wish i didn't know you were gonna leave earth first
like i wish i could hold onto a belief that i'm not alone
but loving you this much
and grieving you
before you're even gone
makes me certain that i hate
the heartbreak
of being mortal
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